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August 23, 2014

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I have gained weight. A lot. I don’t like this. It’s been stress. I just wanted to tell someone. So I am telling any someones out there who read this.

I have been under tremendous mental stress. I haven’t been able to eat throughout the day and then when I get home I have binged. Then I go to bed because my belly is full and the stress has mentally worn me out.

I can’t live like this. I am working on some modifications to my life that will hopefully help. Please think good thoughts for me or send up a prayer. Thanks.


October 3, 2013

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I’m sorry I haven’t really written in a while. Life has been so consuming that I haven’t. Part of me has been just too busy and exhausted. The other part has been, “What do I say?” I haven’t been eating correctly for about 3 weeks and it all stems from working so hard and feeling a lot of frustration.

I guess you’re wondering what does she mean working too hard? My schedule lately has been so screwed up that I have been exhausted. There are days I work over 14 hours in a stressful environment. By the end of it my head hurts and I am usually starving because I didn’t get to eat well during that whole time. I have also been on call for work every other week because we are short-staffed. I used to only be on call once every 4 weeks. Basically that has doubled. A lot of extra stress has been added as well as many more responsibilities so I have been mentally and physically fried.

I believe all of this has helped lead to some depression. I eat when I am depressed and it’s usually not healthy. Ben & Jerry’s was my drug of choice the other night. I ate it and I did feel better briefly. But then within an hour I felt sick.

So I see where my issues and problems lie. I have to find quick and easy things to eat that are healthy. I can’t afford to keep doing this to my body. It makes me feel physically sick but also then I feel bad mentally and emotionally. It’s like I cheated on myself. In a way, I did. I cheated my body out of health and good nutrition.

I have today off and hope to go to the grocery store. I have decided since I am working so many freaking hours this weekend that I may just take the crockpot in and cook there. It usually takes 4-8 hours to cook anything and I am going to be working 13-15 hours 2 days this weekend. So I think a good ol crockpot of some chili made with frozen meat substitute crumbles sounds good. I love chili. The air is getting chillier. Perfect!

Thank you all for bearing with me. I am sorry I haven’t written. I tell ya, I have worked like this over a month and it honestly has felt like I live at work.

July 21, 2013

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I thought about not writing about this, but decided I would. I have been doing pretty well. HAVE BEEN. Past tense. Then the other day I had a really bad day. I let myself go too long without food. I didn’t even have time to get my shake made. It was an intense and crazy day that just had me not thinking clearly. When I am not thinking clearly I don’t make good decisions. I didn’t make good decisions that day. I binged. Hard core. So I am telling y’all that I did. I admit it. I felt guilty about it. But the thing is the only person I really let down is myself, I hope. I am sure y’all know what days like that are about. I have done fine today. I have eaten healthier and done better.

I think this just goes to show that you need to do  your best to keep your blood sugar up so you think rationally. You should try to have backup plans for your backup plans. You should try to eat every few hours or at least have a shake of some sort. When you do feel like bingeing, think about the regrets you will have later. That food may taste like heaven for a moment, but it is going to be hell to get those calories worked off!

So now it is back on the wagon. Praying I don’t fall off this time!

How I Have Lost Weight Recently

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Juice Plus

Over the last year I have trying different things to lose weight. Playing with what would work best for my erratic schedule. I have felt very frustrated because my work schedule fluctuates to the point of me being stuck there an extra 4 hours sometimes without being able to go get food. I try to keep extra food there, but I can’t stock 2 fridges. I was extremely frustrated because there wasn’t anything, it seemed, that was easy and affordable. But there was! And I finally found it! Juice Plus!

Juice Plus is a way to supplement the fruits and veggies I was missing out on because of my crazy schedule. It doesn’t replace them. But it supplements them. I feel so much better. I have blogged about being tired, but that is mainly when I have worked 14-16 hours. Anyone would be tired after that, especially in a high-stress environment. I work in crisis situations daily. It tires you when you work those long stretches. I am finding that I am less and less tired.

I have been using the shakes from Juice Plus and they are absolutely amazing. They are filling, delicious and super EASY! I love them. I can keep my stuff at work and make them when needed. I have a single-serving blender at work. I bring in my Juice Plus shake powder, a bag of frozen strawberries, a box of Truvia in packets, instant Folgers coffee and soy milk. I use the vanilla powder so I can have a wider variety of flavors. Some days I want a mocha frappuccino and some days I want a strawberry smoothie. I will post my recipes in separate posts.

These shakes are so good! I don’t feel like I am being deprived of anything. I actually just feel like I am having a treat. I used to love to go through the drive-thru and get these same kinds of drinks. I was spending a lot more on these drinks and I was also getting a lot more calories! Wasted, empty calories. The calories I get now are beneficial and help my body. It is FUEL for my body and not just junk. It isn’t just a drink either; it is filling!

I don’t just drink shakes. I am eating very healthy, too. I am managing my calorie intake by using free apps on my phone. I can watch my calories and keep track. This is crucial. So often we don’t watch the calorie intake. We just assume that because we feel like we are starving that we must be losing weight. You don’t have to starve to lose weight. I am not starving!!!!!! I am eating tons of blueberries! (I have found a new addiction, by the way!) I am not sure how the blueberries are assisting, but they are a super food. I am eating delicious salads. In fact, I have posted my favorite salad recipe on the blog. I even eat my favorite chicken sandwich from Wendy’s and enjoy it! And yes, I am losing weight eating this way.

The shakes have been crucial, though. I do them 2 times a day and then I can eat the rest of my calories in whatever healthy foods I want. I just watch my calories, carb and fat intake. I try to not eat too many carbs just because, personally, I am a carb junkie and they are triggers for me. I sometimes don’t know when to stop and less of that is better. I also limit fat just because I can sometimes overdo it without realizing it. It’s easy to do. You do need fat, though. Your body is in need of a good balance.

The shakes don’t have to be used as meal replacements, though. They can be used before or after a workout. They can be used as a snack. They can be used for those people who stay hungry all day and this will help with the constant grazing. They really do fill me up. (I say this as an obese woman who would sometimes not feel full after eating just about everything!)

If you have any questions, please ask. You can also visit the website. I was so grateful to finally find something that was nutritious and beneficial to me, as well as affordable. I remember the day in the doctor’s office when they said I had lost 20 lbs. I sat there and cried. Finally some tears of joy! Juice Plus is saving my life.

April 9, 2013

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Short and sweet. Working 13 hours again today it seems I worked 6 this morning and came home to rest. Heading back for supposedly 7 more, which is my normal shift. I got a call that told me they may need me to stay over in the morning. I told them that I couldn’t talk right then and to figure it out and I’ll find out when I get there. I needed sleep without thinking about it anymore. No use worrying about something I really don’t seem to have much control over at the moment. Everyone is sick! I think I am going to start spraying everyone with Lysol the minute they step in the building.

Eating…what a joke. It’s been terrible. I haven’t had time to get to the grocery store. I eat what I can and figure I will deal with it later. I’m too tired to think.

So that is today. Head still hurts a little but it is a 3 instead of an 11 on pain scale. Much better! I can handle 3.


July 26, 2012

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I have been so stressed. It seems like everything is causing me stress. I am not sleeping right. I am working third shift. I am not cooking. I stop and pick up something on the way to work at the grocery store such as sandwiches or just get junk at a fast food place. I know this isn’t good.

This is a goal for me: get some semblance of control of my life. I think the lack of control over every aspect spins me out of control. It’s frustrating and I just feel so overwhelmed. Then I don’t know which way to turn to get it under control. I have decided to TRY to start working on one aspect of life. I suppose that should be my house.

My house looks like an episode of Hoarders. Why? I am too tired and overwhelmed at times to deal with it. I got this way due to depression. I am working on getting over the depression. But the house is pretty depressing now. So I am gonna try to do a little daily until it is done. I want to look around and be inspired. I’m not inspired right now. So we gotta fix that!

I suppose I wish I just wanna wave a magic wand. I do wish I could do that over every aspect of my life. Wouldn’t that be great? Poof! Everything is fixed! Yeah, right. Everything takes time. I’m having to take control of life again. I am having to learn how to actually live again. I lost myself through the years. I forgot how to be me. I have to learn how to eat right. I have to learn a lot. It makes me sad. It seems like everyone else has their shit together and I am struggling. It is frustrating.