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Tag Archives: morbid obesity

8/1/15

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I’ve been working hard at work and personally. I had gotten stuck on the scale but I got it to move! How? Water. Lots of water. Who would think it would really do anything? But it really does flush that mess out of your system. I was having some edema and was really concerned so I pushed fluids like you wouldn’t believe. The the weight started moving. It clicked. More water.

I am almost at my 50 lb mark and it is emotional. Yes the road is long, but it is worth it. I am worth it. You are worth it. If you wonder about that or someone has put this negative shit in your head, get past it. I won’t say get over it…words hurt. I know. I have some words that loop at times. That is one reason I love music so much. I drown it out. I mean how can those words overcome “I’m bring booty back?” Can’t.

If you have any questions, concerns or anything I can help with, ask. I do care. I’m going thru it too! Big hugs!

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7/16/15

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Last week I had a meltdown and then had a pancake frenzy. Pancakes? Why? I ate until I was almost comatose. They tasted good at first and then just blech. They weren’t the yummy, fluffy ones like at IHOP. Some were just kinda heavy and somewhat leaden. But they resembled what I wanted. According to the Weight Watchers calculator, it was only like 20 points worth of damage which I had enough points in my weeklies to cover. We’re not supposed to gain weight eating our weeklies. Guess what. Up 2 lbs. Damn pancakes. Maybe I didn’t calculate it all correctly. I don’t know. But I sure am pissed off at myself and the pancakes. They certainly weren’t worth it.

Since Tuesday I have been trying to work to get those 2 lbs off and i still have them. I am not real happy about it. It is frustrating that when you hit a milestone that you go and do something so stupid. And I know I have certain foods that are triggers. I know this! So why did I do that?! Well, I know I was pms-ing and just not having the best day. But I literally took the time to cook something bad. I couldn’t be talked out of it. That is ridiculous. I feel like I should know enough at this point than to make that mistake at this point.

Overall, though, I have done well. I just wish that food wasn’t such a big deal. So many people just eat and go on about their life. Not me. I think about it way too much. I analyze it, log it, re-think it and then get so overwhelmed that I say screw it and go nuts.Some foods don’t bother me at all. Peanut butter…not a problem. I can eat just a tablespoon and be done. Nutella? Not the same. I can bathe in it. Rice Krispies I can eat all day long. Rice cakes? Nope. Tastes mostly like cardboard.

I guess each day I am just going to have to review all I know and just take it step by step. It’s hard. I feel like a baby learning to walk. I want to run!

June 23, 2015

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Today was a great day as far as weight loss goes. I am back on track and lost another 2.2 lbs. I am finally at the lowest weight I have been in 7 years. Amazing how life and stress can weigh so heavily upon you. I let life get to me in a physical manifestation. Now I am ready to shed that. I am tired of being a percentage of the person I can and should be. I feel good about what I am doing finally.

6/16/15

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It has been a crazy day. I am exhausted. I walked over 3 miles today. My knee is killing me. You would think today was a crap day. And it was in some ways. But it was also not so crappy in others. I thought I had gained this week. I lost 2/10 of a lb. I know that is mere ounces. But the fact is that it is a LOSS and I’ll take that and be happy.

Today’s loss lifted my spirits significantly. I have been struggling the last week or so emotionally. I miss my Mama. The anniversary of her death was last week. Last week was also the birthday of the woman who treated me as her own after I lost everything. I lost her in the fall. This week has just been rough. Then Father’s Day coming up. I hate this time of year.

Am I going to let all these emotions and feelings stop me? No. I can’t. I want to outlive my mother. I am getting closer to the age she died and it’s scary. I have 4.5 years before I am the age she was when she died. I haven’t truly lived. I don’t want to die without some living. So I am working towards living again. It’s not easy. When you let life get you down for so long, after a while you just quit fighting. I did for a long time. Now I’m fighting like crazy to overcome that.

If you don’t mind, say a little prayer for me. I would love to have something wonderfully good and significant happen.

Hope you’re having a good week.

6/13/15

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This weight loss thing is a hard thing to do at times. For me, it is a life change. But some days it is hard. The last few days I have been HAWNGRY. That is Southern-speak for beingĀ really hungry. It’s hard because I want to do well. I have so far but this week has been hard!

I was impressed when I saw 2 pix of me from January to June of this year. It gives me inspiration to keep going.

amyjantojune

Yes, that is me. And I am working my ass off to do even more. I still have a long way to go. But I have to remember where I came from.

6/7/15

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Yesterday I went nuts. I was starving and couldn’t stop eating. I was very grateful that I had some weekly points (Weight
Watchers) left because I kept eating this, that and the other. I didn’t eat stuff that was way too high in calories but it was just here and there all night. PMS is not pleasant.

Today I feel much more in control. I actually have points left right now for day and am not really hungry. Fruits and veggies are zero points and that is all I seem to want right now. That can be good. While I do need to eat my allotted points, I’m grateful I am not having those intense cravings.

I have my weigh in on Tuesday and I truly hope that yesterday didn’t mess up anything. I’ll keep you posted!

5/21/15

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This week was a success. After a bad start on Tuesday, I weighed in and found out I had lost over 3 lbs for the week. I have now lost 32. So while the day was crappy monetarily, it was good physically.

I am finding losing weight cathartic. I am dealing more honestly with issues instead of eating my feelings. I have been so accustomed to ignoring how I felt that I just ate when I was upset. Now I acknowledge the feelings and try to move forward. It isn’t easy.

The next month or so are typically emotional for me because there are dates that mark the anniversaries of big events. The anniversary of my parents’ deaths are coming. The anniversary of my failed marriage is coming. Then there is Father’s Day and my grandmother’s birthday (She is gone, too). It’s hard to acknowledge those things and not let myself self-medicate with food. But I am going to do my best.