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It has been a crazy day. I am exhausted. I walked over 3 miles today. My knee is killing me. You would think today was a crap day. And it was in some ways. But it was also not so crappy in others. I thought I had gained this week. I lost 2/10 of a lb. I know that is mere ounces. But the fact is that it is a LOSS and I’ll take that and be happy.

Today’s loss lifted my spirits significantly. I have been struggling the last week or so emotionally. I miss my Mama. The anniversary of her death was last week. Last week was also the birthday of the woman who treated me as her own after I lost everything. I lost her in the fall. This week has just been rough. Then Father’s Day coming up. I hate this time of year.

Am I going to let all these emotions and feelings stop me? No. I can’t. I want to outlive my mother. I am getting closer to the age she died and it’s scary. I have 4.5 years before I am the age she was when she died. I haven’t truly lived. I don’t want to die without some living. So I am working towards living again. It’s not easy. When you let life get you down for so long, after a while you just quit fighting. I did for a long time. Now I’m fighting like crazy to overcome that.

If you don’t mind, say a little prayer for me. I would love to have something wonderfully good and significant happen.

Hope you’re having a good week.



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I wish this process was faster. I know I didn’t put the weight on in a couple of days. But I sure do wish it would just vanish. It makes for an emotional ride. I get excited about losing weight and then I get to the point where I just want to say screw it! I’m still losing, but I do get tired of watching and tracking my food constantly.

I sometimes get to the point of “should I” or “shouldn’t I” and it drives me crazy. I have tried to ask more often, “is this worth it?” Sometimes the answer is yes and then others it is absolutely no. Sweet tea….is it worth it? Yes. As a Southerner, I grew up on that! I drink mine a lot less sweeter than many, so the points aren’t too terrible. But is it worth it? Absolutely! Now if you asked me if it was worth it to have a piece of fried chicken, I would say no. I love fried chicken. But I can make tasty oven baked chicken that tastes pretty darn good.

But I do get tired of the constant questions. Sometimes I just want some damn Ben and Jerry’s and let that be that. I haven’t had Ben and Jerry’s in 3 months. I miss them. Silly, I know. But they helped make my ass big. Thanks, Ben! Thanks, Jerry!

I came close to eating emotionally today. I was tired, hurt, angry, frustrated and HUNGRY. A friend hurt my feelings and I just didn’t want to deal with it or her. So instead of arguing, I just fixed it where she can’t see me online for a few days and I’ll wait until I’m feeling a little less emotional to deal with her. Confronting her wouldn’t solve anything because the conversation has already played out in my head more than once. I know how the story goes. It’s gone that way more than once. But instead of allowing the emotions to overwhelm me, I ate a healthy dinner. I cleaned out my car. I played with my cats and nearly drove them crazy. And now I am about to go to bed.

I’m sorry my thoughts are all over the place today. My thoughts and my feelings are warring with each other. I think it is going to end up as a draw because neither is right and neither is wrong.

On the positive side, I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. Crazy!

Food Addiction Signs and Treatments

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Can you be addicted to food? Yes. For a long time I thought I was just fat. It’s so much more than that–it’s an addiction. I crave food at times the way an alcoholic craves beer, whiskey, etc. I get frustrated when I can’t have it. More than frustrated. I get angry and emotional. If you feel the same way or wonder about it, see the link below from WebMD and see what you think. It’s eye opening.

Food Addiction Signs and Treatments.

April 10, 2014

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I am a slacker. I admit it. I haven’t been writing here because I have tried to balance everything. It’s not been working so well. The one good thing recently is that I’ve tried to get back on the wagon with healthier eating. Yay me? Yeah, I fell off. It was a hard landing. I was working crazy hours. I wasn’t sleeping well. I wasn’t eating well. I was just functioning. Now I am trying to just get back on track. I have moved towards eating healthier. I have quit eating out so much. I was eating out all the time because it is hard to cook when you have less than 12 hours at home before you have to be back at work. I just wanted food immediately and sleep. Then I wasn’t sleeping well because of the food. Ugh! So I have started cooking up big batches of rice and veggies so I have these meals ready to microwave. It’s easier and more affordable. And tastier! I cook a helluva lot better than McDonalds!

I was also recently inspired by a friend who told me he lost 15 lbs. I was impressed. So I figured if he can, I can get back to it! I’m doing my shakes and eating better and feeling better slowly. It’s not the easiest road. Most of us know that. But it is a process.

February 25, 2014

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I am well on my way to being back on the wagon! I cleaned the fridge and got rid of junk. I also went to the grocery store and spent a lot of money. I had to re-stock. And I’m not even done! I had to get some basics. I need more basics from another store so I guess I’ll be going tomorrow. I shouldn’t have let myself get this far gone, but I did. And now I am getting back to something good. Yay me!

January 7, 2014

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Can you believe the new year has started? I’m sorry I have been slack on writing. I have been working so much that I honestly haven’t had time for much. I work, come home, throw clothes in washing machine, go to bed, throw clothes in dryer, run into grocery store and go back to work. It’s been hectic! My eating hasn’t been best but I am still doing ok. I haven’t lost drive. I haven’t lost all momentum. I am wearing clothes I haven’t worn in 3.5 to 4 years. So I suppose that is an accomplishment. 🙂 I am really happy about that.

I’m going to try to get you some new recipes up soon. I gotta get some time off. But they’re coming! I promise! I hope you are all doing well and having a wonderful year. Please stay warm!

August 24, 2013

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I just got through with vacation and it was amazing. I was busy! But it was so nice to have ME-TIME! Ya know? My eating did get off track some. Doesn’t everyone’s on vacay? I am getting back on a schedule and back to the way it should be. It’s funny. I prefer being on a schedule with my food. It sounds a little nuts. As much as I hate being back at work and back to the daily grind, I don’t mind being back to food schedule at all. I feel better that way. So I am trying to just do better and get totally focused again.

Yes, I have been doing my Juice Plus. I have done well enough that I am now listed as Direct Distributor. Not a big title or anything, but it meant something to me. I really want to help others with their health. I know the slightest improvement can make a huge difference! And I am not even just talking using Juice Plus. I mean, when you make a change, you FEEL it! I feel the difference. I feel different. Then I act differently!

It is amazing. It truly amazes me how big of a snowball effect it all really is. Ya know? When one thing is off, the rest just follows. When I was depressed and feeling like shit, it affected the rest of my life and really caused some problems. The weight went up. The depression worsened. I felt worse about myself. I didn’t want to do anything. So on and so forth. It gets to be a pattern. There comes a point where we have to find something that breaks it. If not, we’re going to live miserably. I don’t think God put us here to be miserable all the time. I just don’t believe He is that kind of God. We can make ourselves miserable. We can allow life to get us. And believe me! I know how easy it is. I have had so many crappy things happen to me that I could write an album/cd of country songs. I just had to finally say that it was in the past and figure out a way to live the life I want.

I am nowhere near where I want to be. But I’m a lot closer than I was before! That’s progress! And that is how you have to live. Intentionally.