5/21/15

This week was a success. After a bad start on Tuesday, I weighed in and found out I had lost over 3 lbs for the week. I have now lost 32. So while the day was crappy monetarily, it was good physically.

I am finding losing weight cathartic. I am dealing more honestly with issues instead of eating my feelings. I have been so accustomed to ignoring how I felt that I just ate when I was upset. Now I acknowledge the feelings and try to move forward. It isn’t easy.

The next month or so are typically emotional for me because there are dates that mark the anniversaries of big events. The anniversary of my parents’ deaths are coming. The anniversary of my failed marriage is coming. Then there is Father’s Day and my grandmother’s birthday (She is gone, too). It’s hard to acknowledge those things and not let myself self-medicate with food. But I am going to do my best.

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5/18/15

I wish this process was faster. I know I didn’t put the weight on in a couple of days. But I sure do wish it would just vanish. It makes for an emotional ride. I get excited about losing weight and then I get to the point where I just want to say screw it! I’m still losing, but I do get tired of watching and tracking my food constantly.

I sometimes get to the point of “should I” or “shouldn’t I” and it drives me crazy. I have tried to ask more often, “is this worth it?” Sometimes the answer is yes and then others it is absolutely no. Sweet tea….is it worth it? Yes. As a Southerner, I grew up on that! I drink mine a lot less sweeter than many, so the points aren’t too terrible. But is it worth it? Absolutely! Now if you asked me if it was worth it to have a piece of fried chicken, I would say no. I love fried chicken. But I can make tasty oven baked chicken that tastes pretty darn good.

But I do get tired of the constant questions. Sometimes I just want some damn Ben and Jerry’s and let that be that. I haven’t had Ben and Jerry’s in 3 months. I miss them. Silly, I know. But they helped make my ass big. Thanks, Ben! Thanks, Jerry!

I came close to eating emotionally today. I was tired, hurt, angry, frustrated and HUNGRY. A friend hurt my feelings and I just didn’t want to deal with it or her. So instead of arguing, I just fixed it where she can’t see me online for a few days and I’ll wait until I’m feeling a little less emotional to deal with her. Confronting her wouldn’t solve anything because the conversation has already played out in my head more than once. I know how the story goes. It’s gone that way more than once. But instead of allowing the emotions to overwhelm me, I ate a healthy dinner. I cleaned out my car. I played with my cats and nearly drove them crazy. And now I am about to go to bed.

I’m sorry my thoughts are all over the place today. My thoughts and my feelings are warring with each other. I think it is going to end up as a draw because neither is right and neither is wrong.

On the positive side, I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. Crazy!

August 23, 2014

I have gained weight. A lot. I don’t like this. It’s been stress. I just wanted to tell someone. So I am telling any someones out there who read this.

I have been under tremendous mental stress. I haven’t been able to eat throughout the day and then when I get home I have binged. Then I go to bed because my belly is full and the stress has mentally worn me out.

I can’t live like this. I am working on some modifications to my life that will hopefully help. Please think good thoughts for me or send up a prayer. Thanks.

March 9, 2014

I am still on my quest to eat better. Last week was kinda bad. I was on an emotional roller coaster and my diet reflected it. Today I went to the grocery store and got some fresh veggies. I came home and started chopping and roasting. Then I started chopping some more. And that was when it happened. I nicked a divet out my thumb. Right where I typically click the space bar. Hurts like crazy. Even cool water hurts. I am dreading shower time. But I did staunch the blood and it did finally stop. I was glad about that.

So I also made some yummy baked chicken to go with my roasted veggies. It was delicious. My cats thought so, too. I had to share. They are little beggars.

I wanted some dessert. I want chocolate yogurt. But I gave up chocolate for Lent. (dumb move!) I really want my flipping yogurt! So I am eating some mini Nilla Wafers. They’re cute and delicious! 🙂

4-Step Plan to Conquer Emotional Eating | The Dr. Oz Show

Do you eat emotionally? I do sometimes. I try to drink low cal or no cal drinks during those emotional times to fill me up or work on whatever emotion is eating me. If I don’t I can end up eating my emotions. Here are some ways to work on emotional eating.

4-Step Plan to Conquer Emotional Eating | The Dr. Oz Show.

 

September 11, 2013

Today is a day of memory. I was reminded that it has been 12 years since that terrible time. So sad. I just wanted to acknowledge that because that is the most important thing I can say here other than I am proud to be an American.

Second, I have missed my blog. I have been working very hard and haven’t been here like I wanted. I have been working my regular job as well as Juice Plus. Juice Plus has helped me eat better and kinda stay on the right track. But I will admit I have fallen off the wagon a few times. It is so easy. I learned something, though! I learned to quit letting myself get to the starving state because when it happens, I want fatty, junky fast-food! And then I eat LOTS of it! Then I feel miserable afterwards. I mean like really bad. Heavy and weighed down. It’s amazing. I mean, yeah, it makes sense. But it is so crazy how bloated and full I can feel. I mean, I feel like I am going to explode. So I need to eat more often and smaller portions or add another shake in. I let myself get to that level where I lose control. I don’t like being out of control.

So I hope that is a lesson to all! Don’t let yourself get to a level where you lose control! It makes you go nuts and then you feel bad! Not a pleasant feeling at all! Another thing is I think I swell when I eat fast food. Must be full of msg or salt!

 

June 22, 2013

 

I have felt really frustrated with work lately. I seem to not have a day off in sight. I’m angry. I have a lot of things that I can’t do due to the shift I work. I have to sleep at some time and when you sleep during the day, you can’t do things. And when you work you can’t do them either. So what did I do with this anger? Guess. I ate. And I ate. I am now angrier with myself. It was stupid. I just feel like it was a waste! Why?! Why?!

I know better. How am I going to reach a goal doing that? If I am angry I should cuss, cry, yell or something. I don’t need to eat. I guess part of it is that I don’t have anyone to talk to so I just shove those feelings down with food. Maybe I should have gotten on the damned computer and typed it out. I dunno if it would have helped at the moment. I just don’t know.

So have y’all done this? What did you do the next time?

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