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Yesterday I went nuts. I was starving and couldn’t stop eating. I was very grateful that I had some weekly points (Weight
Watchers) left because I kept eating this, that and the other. I didn’t eat stuff that was way too high in calories but it was just here and there all night. PMS is not pleasant.

Today I feel much more in control. I actually have points left right now for day and am not really hungry. Fruits and veggies are zero points and that is all I seem to want right now. That can be good. While I do need to eat my allotted points, I’m grateful I am not having those intense cravings.

I have my weigh in on Tuesday and I truly hope that yesterday didn’t mess up anything. I’ll keep you posted!


August 23, 2014

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I have gained weight. A lot. I don’t like this. It’s been stress. I just wanted to tell someone. So I am telling any someones out there who read this.

I have been under tremendous mental stress. I haven’t been able to eat throughout the day and then when I get home I have binged. Then I go to bed because my belly is full and the stress has mentally worn me out.

I can’t live like this. I am working on some modifications to my life that will hopefully help. Please think good thoughts for me or send up a prayer. Thanks.

September 11, 2013

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Today is a day of memory. I was reminded that it has been 12 years since that terrible time. So sad. I just wanted to acknowledge that because that is the most important thing I can say here other than I am proud to be an American.

Second, I have missed my blog. I have been working very hard and haven’t been here like I wanted. I have been working my regular job as well as Juice Plus. Juice Plus has helped me eat better and kinda stay on the right track. But I will admit I have fallen off the wagon a few times. It is so easy. I learned something, though! I learned to quit letting myself get to the starving state because when it happens, I want fatty, junky fast-food! And then I eat LOTS of it! Then I feel miserable afterwards. I mean like really bad. Heavy and weighed down. It’s amazing. I mean, yeah, it makes sense. But it is so crazy how bloated and full I can feel. I mean, I feel like I am going to explode. So I need to eat more often and smaller portions or add another shake in. I let myself get to that level where I lose control. I don’t like being out of control.

So I hope that is a lesson to all! Don’t let yourself get to a level where you lose control! It makes you go nuts and then you feel bad! Not a pleasant feeling at all! Another thing is I think I swell when I eat fast food. Must be full of msg or salt!


July 21, 2013

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I thought about not writing about this, but decided I would. I have been doing pretty well. HAVE BEEN. Past tense. Then the other day I had a really bad day. I let myself go too long without food. I didn’t even have time to get my shake made. It was an intense and crazy day that just had me not thinking clearly. When I am not thinking clearly I don’t make good decisions. I didn’t make good decisions that day. I binged. Hard core. So I am telling y’all that I did. I admit it. I felt guilty about it. But the thing is the only person I really let down is myself, I hope. I am sure y’all know what days like that are about. I have done fine today. I have eaten healthier and done better.

I think this just goes to show that you need to do  your best to keep your blood sugar up so you think rationally. You should try to have backup plans for your backup plans. You should try to eat every few hours or at least have a shake of some sort. When you do feel like bingeing, think about the regrets you will have later. That food may taste like heaven for a moment, but it is going to be hell to get those calories worked off!

So now it is back on the wagon. Praying I don’t fall off this time!

September 7, 2012

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Yesterday I had an amazing conversation through discussions on Jess’s blog. I just felt a kinship with her even though we were discussing something from opposite sides. It was so refreshing to discuss something that is usually taboo without arguing. I was so grateful for someone to just discuss so openly and respectfully. It touched my heart.

She and I have something in common. We are trying to figure out food addiction. I have tried to understand this for so long. It would be great if I didn’t have to deal with my addiction constantly. I told Jess in a comment today that when I stopped smoking I was able to leave my cigarettes alone. I didn’t have to be around them. But you have to have food to survive! I suppose I could go on a liquid diet. But eventually I have to eat at some point in my life. I want to learn how to control myself. And yes, I need to control myself!

I don’t know if I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous or not. I have actually thought about it. I’m not sure. I don’t know if I would do well in a group setting. I don’t know. I don’t know if I am scared or not. Or do I know enough and just need to get my shit together? There’s a lot to it. Maybe instead of talking about it I should just go and try it? What would it hurt? Would it really kill me? No. If I didn’t like it, it would just be a waste of a couple of hours. How many hours have I wasted playing on Facebook and Pinterest? I cannot use the excuse of not wanting to waste time. 🙂 So I suppose the bottom line is fear.

I know when I eat in a binge what I am doing and why I am doing it. I am trying to not feel. Or to feel a hug from the inside out. It’s hard to explain. I tend to do this with either carbs or sweets. Both are foods that pump up the feel good chemical, seratonin. I’m self-medicating with food. And when that wears off I need more! Sometimes I can fight that need/want and sometimes I can’t.

There is more recognition about food addiction. People used to only believe in drug addiction and alcohol addiction. For some people, the chemicals in the food produce the same reaction. I’m glad people are actually recognizing this.

I am also glad I found Jess’s blog. She opened my eyes up to other people out there struggling with a lot of the same issues as me. If you go over there, tell her that you got there from Amy’s blog.