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10/3/15

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Yesterday I bought a new pair of jeans. My “skinny” jeans were not so skinny anymore. They were actually quite baggy. So I went to the store and got the next size down and wasn’t sure about them. I asked the girl for help and she said, “Ummm….no. Those are too big.” So we got the next 2 sizes down. I tried the smallest size with fervent hopes that they would fit. No. Too tight but I could pull them up. But the other ones fit just right. They were actually 2 sizes smaller than the pants I walked in wearing. So I am happy with that. I have lost a total of 3 sizes in clothing now. I didn’t think I was ever going down in sizes. It felt good. The salesgirl was so sweet that she hugged me to celebrate with me.

This is the first time I have shopped in a real store since losing weight. I have just been going to Goodwill for things as I needed them. I am trying to not invest too much financially in clothing because it is so expensive. But when your pants are falling off your butt, it’s time to get some new ones!

I was so happy. They fit right and felt great. It just felt sooooo good to have something that fit well. 🙂

9/3/15

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It amazes me how some days are so much better than others. I have days where I am not hungry at all really and then others where I could eat the whole house. Yesterday was a day I could eat the whole house. I was starving. I couldn’t stop. I was truly hungry. I knew if I didn’t eat that I wasn’t going to be satisfied. I didn’t eat healthy like I should. I have to do better. I went to bed full and woke up not feeling well. I have got to do better. I know I ate too much.

It is so frustrating. I feel like I self-sabotaged. But yet I truly was hungry. I guess I need to regroup and think about what I did in the beginning to keep good stuff in the house. It helped in moments like this.

I’m sure I am not the only one who has gone through this. It’s hard isn’t it?

September 1, 2015

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This has been a long,hard journey for me. This week hasn’t been my best. I failed this week. I could blame it on pms. I could blame it on falling in love. I could blame it on a lot of things. The bottom line is that the blame falls on me. I didn’t plan well enough. I let myself become too focused on something wonderful (falling in love) and didn’t focus enough on taking care of me. I have to remind myself that I am someone who can multitask. I can plan meals and laugh and giggle with a wonderful man. I am strong enough to tell him that I need take time after work to get my sweat on. He will appreciate me more most likely and I know I will feel better.

My goal for this week is to get my ass back in gear! I am refocusing and taking time for me. I am important. How I feel is important. Too many times I have put others ahead of myself. That helped lead to self-destruction. I want to be the best I can. I can’t do that by making excuses and not taking care of myself.

So what can i do? I have made a strategic plan for September. You can see what I plan to do below. This is in addition to what I already do at work, which includes walking 2-3 miles daily. I may adjust this as needed, but this is a goal.

Sept2015prt1

September Exercise Schedule

Beginning Walking Program

Beginning Walking Program

8/2/15

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Know what some people don’t get? Pictures. It took me FOREVER to take a face shot. I don’t have an ugly face. But I was so self-conscious of it. It was fat and I felt so ugly. Thankfully as I have been losing weight my face has been losing first so I finally feel better. But I am working hard on the other. Really hard. I mean it got to the point where I blew out my knee a month ago. My doctor was like slow your roll, girl! How many docs tell you to dial it down? Mine did. So I am walking flat a lot but I cannot do stairs.

So as I try to still exercise, I still don’t feel good in front of a camera. I get gun shy. I will suddenly need to pee when a camera comes out. Anything to get me out of that room! I’m working on it. And I will get there. I am exercising and doing what I need to. But it is so hard for others to understand. I wish I could just explain it in some simple way. It’s not simple.

I look in a mirror or at a picture and can pick every imperfection out. I have been told about those imperfections all of my life. I am working on getting those words out of my head as I work towards the person I want to be. It’s not easy to undo years of conditioning. I hope that the people that don’t get it will care enough to just bear with me. It’s a process and it will take time. But frankly I am worth it.

8/1/15

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I’ve been working hard at work and personally. I had gotten stuck on the scale but I got it to move! How? Water. Lots of water. Who would think it would really do anything? But it really does flush that mess out of your system. I was having some edema and was really concerned so I pushed fluids like you wouldn’t believe. The the weight started moving. It clicked. More water.

I am almost at my 50 lb mark and it is emotional. Yes the road is long, but it is worth it. I am worth it. You are worth it. If you wonder about that or someone has put this negative shit in your head, get past it. I won’t say get over it…words hurt. I know. I have some words that loop at times. That is one reason I love music so much. I drown it out. I mean how can those words overcome “I’m bring booty back?” Can’t.

If you have any questions, concerns or anything I can help with, ask. I do care. I’m going thru it too! Big hugs!

7/16/15

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Last week I had a meltdown and then had a pancake frenzy. Pancakes? Why? I ate until I was almost comatose. They tasted good at first and then just blech. They weren’t the yummy, fluffy ones like at IHOP. Some were just kinda heavy and somewhat leaden. But they resembled what I wanted. According to the Weight Watchers calculator, it was only like 20 points worth of damage which I had enough points in my weeklies to cover. We’re not supposed to gain weight eating our weeklies. Guess what. Up 2 lbs. Damn pancakes. Maybe I didn’t calculate it all correctly. I don’t know. But I sure am pissed off at myself and the pancakes. They certainly weren’t worth it.

Since Tuesday I have been trying to work to get those 2 lbs off and i still have them. I am not real happy about it. It is frustrating that when you hit a milestone that you go and do something so stupid. And I know I have certain foods that are triggers. I know this! So why did I do that?! Well, I know I was pms-ing and just not having the best day. But I literally took the time to cook something bad. I couldn’t be talked out of it. That is ridiculous. I feel like I should know enough at this point than to make that mistake at this point.

Overall, though, I have done well. I just wish that food wasn’t such a big deal. So many people just eat and go on about their life. Not me. I think about it way too much. I analyze it, log it, re-think it and then get so overwhelmed that I say screw it and go nuts.Some foods don’t bother me at all. Peanut butter…not a problem. I can eat just a tablespoon and be done. Nutella? Not the same. I can bathe in it. Rice Krispies I can eat all day long. Rice cakes? Nope. Tastes mostly like cardboard.

I guess each day I am just going to have to review all I know and just take it step by step. It’s hard. I feel like a baby learning to walk. I want to run!

Balsamic Soy Pork Tenderloin

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balsamicporktenderloin

  • 3/4 cup(s) low sodium soy sauce   
  • 1/4 cup(s) balsamic vinegar   
  • 1 Tbsp garlic powder   
  • 1 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes   
  • 3 Tbsp maple syrup   
  •   1 pound(s) uncooked lean pork tenderloin   
  • 1 item(s) chicken bouillon cube   

Place everything except the pork loin in a large zipper baggie. Close and mix indredients in bag by moving them around. Open and put pork loin in. Marinate for 1 hr. Preheat oven to 400. Line a baking dish with foil. Put the pork loin in lined dish and add 1 cup of the marinade. Cover with foil. Place in oven for 25 minutes. Check for doneness. Allow to rest at least 10 minutes before serving to keep the juices in.

Serves 3.

7 WW PP+

Per Serving (excluding unknown items): 288 Calories; 5g Fat (17.2% calories from fat); 36g Protein; 23g Carbohydrate; 1g Dietary Fiber; 99mg Cholesterol; 2726mg Sodium.

Exchanges: 0 Grain(Starch); 4 1/2 Lean Meat; 1 1/2 Vegetable; 0 Fruit; 0 Fat; 1 Other Carbohydrates.