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8/2/15

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Know what some people don’t get? Pictures. It took me FOREVER to take a face shot. I don’t have an ugly face. But I was so self-conscious of it. It was fat and I felt so ugly. Thankfully as I have been losing weight my face has been losing first so I finally feel better. But I am working hard on the other. Really hard. I mean it got to the point where I blew out my knee a month ago. My doctor was like slow your roll, girl! How many docs tell you to dial it down? Mine did. So I am walking flat a lot but I cannot do stairs.

So as I try to still exercise, I still don’t feel good in front of a camera. I get gun shy. I will suddenly need to pee when a camera comes out. Anything to get me out of that room! I’m working on it. And I will get there. I am exercising and doing what I need to. But it is so hard for others to understand. I wish I could just explain it in some simple way. It’s not simple.

I look in a mirror or at a picture and can pick every imperfection out. I have been told about those imperfections all of my life. I am working on getting those words out of my head as I work towards the person I want to be. It’s not easy to undo years of conditioning. I hope that the people that don’t get it will care enough to just bear with me. It’s a process and it will take time. But frankly I am worth it.

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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