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7/16/15

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Last week I had a meltdown and then had a pancake frenzy. Pancakes? Why? I ate until I was almost comatose. They tasted good at first and then just blech. They weren’t the yummy, fluffy ones like at IHOP. Some were just kinda heavy and somewhat leaden. But they resembled what I wanted. According to the Weight Watchers calculator, it was only like 20 points worth of damage which I had enough points in my weeklies to cover. We’re not supposed to gain weight eating our weeklies. Guess what. Up 2 lbs. Damn pancakes. Maybe I didn’t calculate it all correctly. I don’t know. But I sure am pissed off at myself and the pancakes. They certainly weren’t worth it.

Since Tuesday I have been trying to work to get those 2 lbs off and i still have them. I am not real happy about it. It is frustrating that when you hit a milestone that you go and do something so stupid. And I know I have certain foods that are triggers. I know this! So why did I do that?! Well, I know I was pms-ing and just not having the best day. But I literally took the time to cook something bad. I couldn’t be talked out of it. That is ridiculous. I feel like I should know enough at this point than to make that mistake at this point.

Overall, though, I have done well. I just wish that food wasn’t such a big deal. So many people just eat and go on about their life. Not me. I think about it way too much. I analyze it, log it, re-think it and then get so overwhelmed that I say screw it and go nuts.Some foods don’t bother me at all. Peanut butter…not a problem. I can eat just a tablespoon and be done. Nutella? Not the same. I can bathe in it. Rice Krispies I can eat all day long. Rice cakes? Nope. Tastes mostly like cardboard.

I guess each day I am just going to have to review all I know and just take it step by step. It’s hard. I feel like a baby learning to walk. I want to run!

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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