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It has been a crazy day. I am exhausted. I walked over 3 miles today. My knee is killing me. You would think today was a crap day. And it was in some ways. But it was also not so crappy in others. I thought I had gained this week. I lost 2/10 of a lb. I know that is mere ounces. But the fact is that it is a LOSS and I’ll take that and be happy.

Today’s loss lifted my spirits significantly. I have been struggling the last week or so emotionally. I miss my Mama. The anniversary of her death was last week. Last week was also the birthday of the woman who treated me as her own after I lost everything. I lost her in the fall. This week has just been rough. Then Father’s Day coming up. I hate this time of year.

Am I going to let all these emotions and feelings stop me? No. I can’t. I want to outlive my mother. I am getting closer to the age she died and it’s scary. I have 4.5 years before I am the age she was when she died. I haven’t truly lived. I don’t want to die without some living. So I am working towards living again. It’s not easy. When you let life get you down for so long, after a while you just quit fighting. I did for a long time. Now I’m fighting like crazy to overcome that.

If you don’t mind, say a little prayer for me. I would love to have something wonderfully good and significant happen.

Hope you’re having a good week.


About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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