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5/18/15

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I wish this process was faster. I know I didn’t put the weight on in a couple of days. But I sure do wish it would just vanish. It makes for an emotional ride. I get excited about losing weight and then I get to the point where I just want to say screw it! I’m still losing, but I do get tired of watching and tracking my food constantly.

I sometimes get to the point of “should I” or “shouldn’t I” and it drives me crazy. I have tried to ask more often, “is this worth it?” Sometimes the answer is yes and then others it is absolutely no. Sweet tea….is it worth it? Yes. As a Southerner, I grew up on that! I drink mine a lot less sweeter than many, so the points aren’t too terrible. But is it worth it? Absolutely! Now if you asked me if it was worth it to have a piece of fried chicken, I would say no. I love fried chicken. But I can make tasty oven baked chicken that tastes pretty darn good.

But I do get tired of the constant questions. Sometimes I just want some damn Ben and Jerry’s and let that be that. I haven’t had Ben and Jerry’s in 3 months. I miss them. Silly, I know. But they helped make my ass big. Thanks, Ben! Thanks, Jerry!

I came close to eating emotionally today. I was tired, hurt, angry, frustrated and HUNGRY. A friend hurt my feelings and I just didn’t want to deal with it or her. So instead of arguing, I just fixed it where she can’t see me online for a few days and I’ll wait until I’m feeling a little less emotional to deal with her. Confronting her wouldn’t solve anything because the conversation has already played out in my head more than once. I know how the story goes. It’s gone that way more than once. But instead of allowing the emotions to overwhelm me, I ate a healthy dinner. I cleaned out my car. I played with my cats and nearly drove them crazy. And now I am about to go to bed.

I’m sorry my thoughts are all over the place today. My thoughts and my feelings are warring with each other. I think it is going to end up as a draw because neither is right and neither is wrong.

On the positive side, I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. Crazy!

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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