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July 19, 2014

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I had a weird dream that woke me. It was kind of like an epiphany. (That I already knew…I needed a dream to tell me so, though.) Happiness is not being skinny. But being thinner would make me happier and feel better. It would make me more comfortable with myself. I wouldn’t have this “fat-shame” that I feel and that the world puts upon me.

I have a lot of weight to lose. I have  a lot of dreams. If I work hard and lose weight, I might feel well enough to move forward with my dreams and ambitions. I feel like if I lost weight I could feel better with other people. I would have more confidence. I might feel more comfortable actually doing more stuff. While I know I have talents, I think I hold back because I am scared of what others might think.

I kind of think that maybe if I lost this weight that I would feel more comfortable to look for love. If I save money and lose weight, if I haven’t found some true joy here, then I could and would move back to Alabama. If I didn’t find love, at least I would be closer to my family.

 

 

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

One response »

  1. I often have those same thoughts and feelings…I would love to be one of those women who lives and loves her life regardless of her size…just not sure how to get there…

    Reply

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