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October 3, 2013

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I’m sorry I haven’t really written in a while. Life has been so consuming that I haven’t. Part of me has been just too busy and exhausted. The other part has been, “What do I say?” I haven’t been eating correctly for about 3 weeks and it all stems from working so hard and feeling a lot of frustration.

I guess you’re wondering what does she mean working too hard? My schedule lately has been so screwed up that I have been exhausted. There are days I work over 14 hours in a stressful environment. By the end of it my head hurts and I am usually starving because I didn’t get to eat well during that whole time. I have also been on call for work every other week because we are short-staffed. I used to only be on call once every 4 weeks. Basically that has doubled. A lot of extra stress has been added as well as many more responsibilities so I have been mentally and physically fried.

I believe all of this has helped lead to some depression. I eat when I am depressed and it’s usually not healthy. Ben & Jerry’s was my drug of choice the other night. I ate it and I did feel better briefly. But then within an hour I felt sick.

So I see where my issues and problems lie. I have to find quick and easy things to eat that are healthy. I can’t afford to keep doing this to my body. It makes me feel physically sick but also then I feel bad mentally and emotionally. It’s like I cheated on myself. In a way, I did. I cheated my body out of health and good nutrition.

I have today off and hope to go to the grocery store. I have decided since I am working so many freaking hours this weekend that I may just take the crockpot in and cook there. It usually takes 4-8 hours to cook anything and I am going to be working 13-15 hours 2 days this weekend. So I think a good ol crockpot of some chili made with frozen meat substitute crumbles sounds good. I love chili. The air is getting chillier. Perfect!

Thank you all for bearing with me. I am sorry I haven’t written. I tell ya, I have worked like this over a month and it honestly has felt like I live at work.

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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