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March 27, 2013

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I was listening to Byron Katie’s audiobook  Loving What Is  and really got into it. One thing she said that got me is when we are thinking of shoulds and shouldn’ts, we are often worrying about things that are often not our business. There are things that are your business, my business and God’s business. I should worry about my business. I can’t stop every thought, but I can decide whose business it is and try to let it just be their business.

It’s not that I even care too much about other people’s business. A lot of times I care about how other people feel about me. Know what? That’s not my business! I can’t change them or their view. I can only live my life to make myself the best person I feel I need to be and do what makes me feel better. I know who I have to answer to at the end of the day and at the end of my life. Most of the people who I have been worried about in the past are not in those two categories so ultimately I don’t need to worry so much about what they think!

It’s a pretty liberating thought when you really consider it. While very liberating, it is also very difficult. We’re not wired that way. Well, not most of us anyway. I wasn’t. I was raised by a baby-boomer who wanted me to behave 85% of the time. She enjoyed my impropriety 10% of the time and then the other 5% of the time she was confused by it.

I am trying to do my hardest to live my life with it my business. I do wish people approved of my business, but I can’t live for others. I tried. I really did. It caused me to marry the wrong man and living in pain and tears for years due to that wrong and fateful decision. Why? Because I was living someone else’s business.

I think that is part of why I overate. I had to do something with those emotions. So I ate. It was the only comfort I had. After my parents died I just didn’t have anything to comfort me. So like an alcoholic turns to drinking, I ate. And ate. And ate. The thing is that our body needs nourishment. It doesn’t need alcohol. And now I am left with this addiction that overwhelms me and consumes me and angers me. I have to figure out a way to control it.

So while this is my business, I am letting you in on it. Because maybe my business will help you live yours. I am not seeking anyone’s approval anymore. Your business is no longer my business. God’s business is no longer mine. He has a much bigger job to do than I do. I’m going to “let” God do his job and I’m going to do mine. (i.e., I’m going to quit interfering in God’s job and just focus on my own.) But I have opened the door to you readers. You can see what business I show you. I pretty much show you most of my business. (Well, you know what I mean! Quit smiling! LOL) Share with me your thoughts, but just know that it is still my business and your business is yours. 🙂 That’s the beauty of it. We learn through life and learn how to make our life better and our business is our own.

So whose business is it? It’s Amy’s business! And I’m living it intentionally now.

(If you have lived for others, I urge you to check out Byron Katie. She isn’t a  guru. she is just someone who finally “got it” and passed it on. Read  her book or listen to her audiobook Loving What Is.)

 

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

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