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September 8, 2012

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What a day! Someone said something this morning that disturbed me. I don’t think it was meant to be as disturbing as it was. But it really bothered me. Why is it that people feel that they can say whatever they want to fat people? Just because someone is heavy/fat/overweight or whatever, that doesn’t mean that you should say whatever comes to your mind to them. What do I mean? I said in passing that I wanted to go home and put the heating pad on my back because it was hurting. The comment I got was, “Well, you better do something because if you go to the doctor, you know what they’ll tell you….lose weight and exercise!” I was kind of surprised. This person isn’t a skinny-Minnie. Maybe she was speaking from past experience. But I would have appreciated a “hope you feel better” kind of comment more than that.

But it just really hit home how all through my life people felt they could comment on my weight. And not all of it was constructive criticism. Some of it was outright mean. Why do people feel like they can do that? Fat people have feelings, too. Actually, they may have more feelings! Some people eat to hide pain. Have YOU experienced that? Some say it under the guise of caring. Some actually do care. Some people don’t care. Some people just want to hurt you. Some people act like they’re your personal savior and you’re their project.

This morning really brought up some old hurts. I know this person didn’t mean to do that. But the comment brought up some painful memories. I know I need to lose weight. I don’t think this causing all of my back pain. Part of my back pain is sitting in some of the most uncomfortable chairs ever created for hours on end! But anyway, it was a lot of feeling and thought.


About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

9 responses »

  1. I work with a woman who seems to have no problem asking me, “You’re eating that?” in a disparaging tone…like what? Someone my size shouldn’t be eating a Snickers bar? I’ve always wanted to say, “Oh, and how many cigarettes have you smoked today?”, but I always bite my tongue…

    • Everyone is so quick to judge what a person who is overweight eats. I want to sometimes say, “Ya know, I didn’t eat ALL freaking day so I could just eat this and enjoy it!” That woman better be glad she didn’t ask me that. If she caught me on the wrong day, I might say exactly what you said. 🙂 Or I’d say, “When you quit smoking, you can judge what I eat!” Although that isn’t right either. I did quit smoking and it’s still not right to judge what others eat. BTW, Patti, I have missed you!

  2. I think some people are clueless or just plain ignorant and think we are fat on purpose. I don’t know that anyone would wish to be fat. If so that’s some other issue. But those of us who have found ourselves in the position or state that we are in, didn’t do it to personally piss anyone off, so why should they be so rude, irritated or disrespectful to us for it ?? Just because our problem is on the outside where people can see it doesn’t mean they have the right to point it out and judge us for it. We are not going around pointing out their problems and making judgements on them.

    • I know. I mean, I may be fat but I don’t make comments to others about obvious things. I mean, what if I called someone ugly? I would be a major bitch for that, but it is ok for someone to say something about me being fat? Maybe the bottom line is we all need to be a little nicer and more compassionate. Maybe my Mama should have taught lessons to more people about if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all! She worked hard to try to drill that one in my head.

      The woman that said this didn’t realize that I had been lifting heavy boxes at home and then had to sit in the most horrific chairs ever created while at work. I have a vertebrae that is just like stuck and it hurts. I have 2 days off and guess what! I got the heating pad out!

  3. Thank you for this post. My MIL is morbidly obese and trying to change and her and I have heart to hearts sometimes. She has mentioned in the past that she always feels judged for eating out because she orders something heavy or even if she orders something light. I have never felt that way and this helps put things in perspective and makes me think of ways to encourage her journey the next time we talk.

    • I’m glad this helps you. It is so hard because it’s like a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation a lot of times. Just like you said about your MIL, I have been in that situation of judgment. If I order something light, I’m judged. If I order heavy food, I am judged. Sometimes I feel like asking, “What do YOU want me to eat?!” But it is really none of their business. They have no idea how or why I got to this point in life. I try to not judge them and I really just wish others would do the same for me.

  4. It’s curious that people seem to think it’s okay to comment on others’ eating habits. Having been a binge eater (“Use a little control/will-power!”) and an anorexic (“Eat a sandwich!”), I empathize both sides of this. The reality of eating disorders, food addiction, is that it’s not about the food. It’s about our relationship with food.

    It’s rude, period, for people to point this out. We know, okay? We know and telling us for the millionth time what we’ve heard 999,999 times before isn’t going to suddenly and miraculously fix this. If it did, we wouldn’t have the problems with compulsive food behaviors.

    Excellent movie to get an understanding of it from both sides: Disfigured. It used to be on Netflix’s online service and was removed, but if one can find it? It is an excellent treatment of the reality of binge eating and of anorexia. We are suffering the exact same compulsion, acted out in different ways. This compelling drama about the friendship of two women on either side of the addiction is an eye-opener for at least those of us suffering compulsion about food–whether it’s willing ourselves not to eat or willing ourselves to eat.


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