Yesterday I had an amazing conversation through discussions on Jess’s blog. I just felt a kinship with her even though we were discussing something from opposite sides. It was so refreshing to discuss something that is usually taboo without arguing. I was so grateful for someone to just discuss so openly and respectfully. It touched my heart.
She and I have something in common. We are trying to figure out food addiction. I have tried to understand this for so long. It would be great if I didn’t have to deal with my addiction constantly. I told Jess in a comment today that when I stopped smoking I was able to leave my cigarettes alone. I didn’t have to be around them. But you have to have food to survive! I suppose I could go on a liquid diet. But eventually I have to eat at some point in my life. I want to learn how to control myself. And yes, I need to control myself!
I don’t know if I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous or not. I have actually thought about it. I’m not sure. I don’t know if I would do well in a group setting. I don’t know. I don’t know if I am scared or not. Or do I know enough and just need to get my shit together? There’s a lot to it. Maybe instead of talking about it I should just go and try it? What would it hurt? Would it really kill me? No. If I didn’t like it, it would just be a waste of a couple of hours. How many hours have I wasted playing on Facebook and Pinterest? I cannot use the excuse of not wanting to waste time. 🙂 So I suppose the bottom line is fear.
I know when I eat in a binge what I am doing and why I am doing it. I am trying to not feel. Or to feel a hug from the inside out. It’s hard to explain. I tend to do this with either carbs or sweets. Both are foods that pump up the feel good chemical, seratonin. I’m self-medicating with food. And when that wears off I need more! Sometimes I can fight that need/want and sometimes I can’t.
There is more recognition about food addiction. People used to only believe in drug addiction and alcohol addiction. For some people, the chemicals in the food produce the same reaction. I’m glad people are actually recognizing this.
- Do I Have A Food Addiction? (psychologytoday.com)
- One in 200 people ‘may be addicted to food’ (itv.com)
- Causes And Cure Of Food Addiction (refreshingnews99.blogspot.com)
- Portrait of a Food Addict (psychologytoday.com)