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September 7, 2012

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Yesterday I had an amazing conversation through discussions on Jess’s blog. I just felt a kinship with her even though we were discussing something from opposite sides. It was so refreshing to discuss something that is usually taboo without arguing. I was so grateful for someone to just discuss so openly and respectfully. It touched my heart.

She and I have something in common. We are trying to figure out food addiction. I have tried to understand this for so long. It would be great if I didn’t have to deal with my addiction constantly. I told Jess in a comment today that when I stopped smoking I was able to leave my cigarettes alone. I didn’t have to be around them. But you have to have food to survive! I suppose I could go on a liquid diet. But eventually I have to eat at some point in my life. I want to learn how to control myself. And yes, I need to control myself!

I don’t know if I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous or not. I have actually thought about it. I’m not sure. I don’t know if I would do well in a group setting. I don’t know. I don’t know if I am scared or not. Or do I know enough and just need to get my shit together? There’s a lot to it. Maybe instead of talking about it I should just go and try it? What would it hurt? Would it really kill me? No. If I didn’t like it, it would just be a waste of a couple of hours. How many hours have I wasted playing on Facebook and Pinterest? I cannot use the excuse of not wanting to waste time. 🙂 So I suppose the bottom line is fear.

I know when I eat in a binge what I am doing and why I am doing it. I am trying to not feel. Or to feel a hug from the inside out. It’s hard to explain. I tend to do this with either carbs or sweets. Both are foods that pump up the feel good chemical, seratonin. I’m self-medicating with food. And when that wears off I need more! Sometimes I can fight that need/want and sometimes I can’t.

There is more recognition about food addiction. People used to only believe in drug addiction and alcohol addiction. For some people, the chemicals in the food produce the same reaction. I’m glad people are actually recognizing this.

I am also glad I found Jess’s blog. She opened my eyes up to other people out there struggling with a lot of the same issues as me. If you go over there, tell her that you got there from Amy’s blog.


About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

4 responses »

  1. Thanks for the insight. I’m trying to overcome my struggles with food and it’s good to know I’m not the only one out there.

    • Welcome! Glad others are reading! Hopefully we can all get through this together. People don’t realize what food addiction is or how powerful food is.

  2. Amy, your experience, strength, and hope is helping me immensely as I work toward understanding a power greater than myself. I have a lot of books on compassionate atheism, and you guided me there with your compassionate Christianity. So, definitely thank you for all you’ve done–even when I was lashing out at what you believe in with all of your heart.

    As for OA, well, I’d like to suggest going to the website and answering the questionnaire. And, well, hit a room-based meeting if you can. When I heard “Our Invitation to You”, I knew I’d found my solution. No, OA is not for everyone, and at times it’s been painful for me as a person struggling with a fundamental program understanding. However, I heard my story patchworked together in the experiences of others. I tried diets. I tried and I gave up because I couldn’t. It really was the addiction, because I was able to find physical, mental, and spiritual recovery. Although it’s not perfect, as least it’s not One Size Fits All like the diets I’ve used. Being tall and having lived at size 22 or higher most of my life? One Size Fits All never, ever fit me.

    We need a tailored approach, because we are individuals with our individual experiences. And if OA is not right for you, it’s okay. OA isn’t for everyone, like I said above. However, when it is right? Miracles occur.

    • Thanks. That is something I think I am going to do. I have been hesitant to participate in a group but it might be helpful. I have been kind of scared. Thank you for having been so open to my ideas and opinions about my Christianity. I didn’t feel like you were lashing out at all. You were stating ideas and opinions and you were very respectful and thoughtful. I was just so glad that someone from an opposing view was so kind. It’s rare. Recently I got into a huge argument with family over politics. You know how you aren’t supposed to talk politics and religion with people? Here I have been doing both. But I argued with the person I knew and didn’t with the one I didn’t know. So it was good to know it can be done as long as everyone is respectful and nice. We don’t have to agree, but being nice goes a long way. 🙂

      I don’t believe in people come together by chance. I think it is interesting we are battling the same things from opposite sides and we can still help each other. And we seem to like each other. I like it!


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