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August 3, 2012

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I should be sleeping but I can’t. My eyes are so heavy and yet my mind is churning. I don’t even know specifically about what. A little about everything. I did sleep a little earlier and had a really bad dream. It woke me up and I had tears in my eyes. Even typing that brings them back. Damn tears! Damn bad dreams! I need sleep! This is something I have struggled with since I can remember. I wasn’t one of those kids who hated nap time. I actually loved it when I could actually sleep. Sleep has always been a luxury for me since it is so hard for me to do. I will admit I drink too much caffeine but I took meds to help me go to sleep today and here I am clicking away.

I talked with my coworker last night and we have decided that while we cannot leave our desks for long periods of time to take a formal break, we can do a little walking around right there. Kind of like caged animals, I suppose. But it’s better than sitting on my butt and allowing it to continue growing, right? So at least this was a positive thought. I have done a lot of negative thinking lately and really want to move away from that. I have to force myself to think positively. I think that I can sometimes allow myself to get into a negative cycle. Things get to feeling bad and so I allow myself to wallow in that. I have to actively get out of it somehow. It’s not easy. I have been fed a lot of negative shit throughout my life and I believed it. Guess what…I don’t believe it anymore. I believe the people who were feeding it to me were jerks and insecure. They wanted me to feel bad about myself so they could feel good about themselves. That’s kinda shitty.

Another positive thing was that my Eat Right For Your Type book came in the mail. I am looking forward to re-reading this and trying to incorporate some of the philosophies of this book into my life. I hope it will help me. BTW, my blood type is A positive and it says I should eat mostly vegetarian. I could do that if bacon was vegetarian! 🙂 Everything tastes better with bacon! Just kidding! Well, maybe not.

OK, so I have some of these thoughts out of my head. Maybe now I can sleep. I hope so. I have to work tonight. I am so freaking tired this week. It’s just been a hard week. I think the full moon had something to do with it. Plus I have had a terrible attitude. I told a coworker this morning that I was positively pissy. Let’s see if some sleep helps with this. Have a good day/night/whatever! 🙂



About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

2 responses »

  1. I am so glad you came by my blog to check it out. I really enjoyed this post of yours. I am so glad you saw those naysayers for what they were. Refuse to give them that power over you, just like you did. There will always be crapass people out there that will try to use you as a stepping stone on their way to feeling superior. Master the rolling eye and keep moving. Don’t even hesitate for a moment. I am a firm believer in being positive. I try to encourage those around me, because I have had to deal with negativity from others most of my life due to weight issues of my own,. Thankfully, not from my family and true friends. Continue to surround yourself with positive people. Set that goal for walking around your work area. It does make a difference. I walk around my classroom, and try not to sit too much, as my ass was beginning to take on the shape of my desk chair!!!:) Have a great weekend!

    • It’s taken me a long time to figure out they were just asses, but I finally got it. When what people say makes you feel bad all the time, it’s time to get rid of them. 🙂 Thanks for coming by. Sooooo glad! You really made me smile. Nice to have some like-minded people. Yeah, my coworker and I couldn’t walk last night because the damn phones rang off the hook. But we at least are talking and thinking about it!


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