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July 26, 2012

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I have been so stressed. It seems like everything is causing me stress. I am not sleeping right. I am working third shift. I am not cooking. I stop and pick up something on the way to work at the grocery store such as sandwiches or just get junk at a fast food place. I know this isn’t good.

This is a goal for me: get some semblance of control of my life. I think the lack of control over every aspect spins me out of control. It’s frustrating and I just feel so overwhelmed. Then I don’t know which way to turn to get it under control. I have decided to TRY to start working on one aspect of life. I suppose that should be my house.

My house looks like an episode of Hoarders. Why? I am too tired and overwhelmed at times to deal with it. I got this way due to depression. I am working on getting over the depression. But the house is pretty depressing now. So I am gonna try to do a little daily until it is done. I want to look around and be inspired. I’m not inspired right now. So we gotta fix that!

I suppose I wish I just wanna wave a magic wand. I do wish I could do that over every aspect of my life. Wouldn’t that be great? Poof! Everything is fixed! Yeah, right. Everything takes time. I’m having to take control of life again. I am having to learn how to actually live again. I lost myself through the years. I forgot how to be me. I have to learn how to eat right. I have to learn a lot. It makes me sad. It seems like everyone else has their shit together and I am struggling. It is frustrating.

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About Amy

Recently I came to an ugly realization–I am middle aged. I didn’t really think so but then I doubled my age and thought, “Hmmmm…some of people don’t live to that age. I must be middle age.” This epiphany came in the third quarter of my 39th year. So I am surviving middle age…it’s scary.

2 responses »

  1. You’d be surprised how many people out there are hiding the fact their life is really not in order. I believe your on the right track however, by setting a goal to improve. Your right in that it takes time, when you finally start getting the right information it’s like that magic wand 🙂

    Reply
    • Maybe that is the their trick! They’re hiding their chaos from the world! You just gave me some food for thought that was calorie free! 🙂 When I let myself become overwhelmed with depression for a long while, I let it creep in every aspect of my life. I’m tired of that. I heard a quote somewhere recently that said, “if you live in chaos, you’ll produce chaos.” I don’t want to produce chaos anymore. I like things shaken up a little bit, but not everything turned upside down all the time. And right now, THAT is the way it is. Thanks for reminding me some people are just good at hiding things. 🙂

      Reply

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