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3/6/16

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The year started out well but then things went terribly wrong. I no longer have a wonderful boyfriend. For a bit I was doing well to eat. Then I was eating terribly. I am back on track. It’s not easy. I’m still grieving the loss of the relationship and there are days I want to let Ben & Jerry’s soothe me. But I’m not doing it

I have lost 80 lbs at this point. I am very lucky that I have a really supportive workplace. That is helping. I am focusing on work and trying to just keep my life together. I have to start walking more. I want to get to my goal faster. I want to throw it in his face. Yes, I am losing weight for myself, but it doesn’t hurt that he already thought I was beautiful. Wait til I show how damn beautiful I can be. I’m ready to keep moving!

Watch out world! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

1/17/2016

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This has been a happy year but a rough one physically. I haven’t necessarily been eating like I should. There were days I was doing well to eat and then other days I ate everything. I am back on the bandwagon, though. I am really looking forward to getting back to my weight loss goals, though. I have a really supportive group of friends and a wonderful boyfriend who supports it as well. I have to push myself personally, but I can do it. I WANT to do it. 2015 was amazing. I’m looking forward to 2016!

10/3/15

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Yesterday I bought a new pair of jeans. My “skinny” jeans were not so skinny anymore. They were actually quite baggy. So I went to the store and got the next size down and wasn’t sure about them. I asked the girl for help and she said, “Ummm….no. Those are too big.” So we got the next 2 sizes down. I tried the smallest size with fervent hopes that they would fit. No. Too tight but I could pull them up. But the other ones fit just right. They were actually 2 sizes smaller than the pants I walked in wearing. So I am happy with that. I have lost a total of 3 sizes in clothing now. I didn’t think I was ever going down in sizes. It felt good. The salesgirl was so sweet that she hugged me to celebrate with me.

This is the first time I have shopped in a real store since losing weight. I have just been going to Goodwill for things as I needed them. I am trying to not invest too much financially in clothing because it is so expensive. But when your pants are falling off your butt, it’s time to get some new ones!

I was so happy. They fit right and felt great. It just felt sooooo good to have something that fit well.🙂

9/3/15

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It amazes me how some days are so much better than others. I have days where I am not hungry at all really and then others where I could eat the whole house. Yesterday was a day I could eat the whole house. I was starving. I couldn’t stop. I was truly hungry. I knew if I didn’t eat that I wasn’t going to be satisfied. I didn’t eat healthy like I should. I have to do better. I went to bed full and woke up not feeling well. I have got to do better. I know I ate too much.

It is so frustrating. I feel like I self-sabotaged. But yet I truly was hungry. I guess I need to regroup and think about what I did in the beginning to keep good stuff in the house. It helped in moments like this.

I’m sure I am not the only one who has gone through this. It’s hard isn’t it?

September 1, 2015

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This has been a long,hard journey for me. This week hasn’t been my best. I failed this week. I could blame it on pms. I could blame it on falling in love. I could blame it on a lot of things. The bottom line is that the blame falls on me. I didn’t plan well enough. I let myself become too focused on something wonderful (falling in love) and didn’t focus enough on taking care of me. I have to remind myself that I am someone who can multitask. I can plan meals and laugh and giggle with a wonderful man. I am strong enough to tell him that I need take time after work to get my sweat on. He will appreciate me more most likely and I know I will feel better.

My goal for this week is to get my ass back in gear! I am refocusing and taking time for me. I am important. How I feel is important. Too many times I have put others ahead of myself. That helped lead to self-destruction. I want to be the best I can. I can’t do that by making excuses and not taking care of myself.

So what can i do? I have made a strategic plan for September. You can see what I plan to do below. This is in addition to what I already do at work, which includes walking 2-3 miles daily. I may adjust this as needed, but this is a goal.

Sept2015prt1

September Exercise Schedule

Beginning Walking Program

Beginning Walking Program

8/2/15

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Know what some people don’t get? Pictures. It took me FOREVER to take a face shot. I don’t have an ugly face. But I was so self-conscious of it. It was fat and I felt so ugly. Thankfully as I have been losing weight my face has been losing first so I finally feel better. But I am working hard on the other. Really hard. I mean it got to the point where I blew out my knee a month ago. My doctor was like slow your roll, girl! How many docs tell you to dial it down? Mine did. So I am walking flat a lot but I cannot do stairs.

So as I try to still exercise, I still don’t feel good in front of a camera. I get gun shy. I will suddenly need to pee when a camera comes out. Anything to get me out of that room! I’m working on it. And I will get there. I am exercising and doing what I need to. But it is so hard for others to understand. I wish I could just explain it in some simple way. It’s not simple.

I look in a mirror or at a picture and can pick every imperfection out. I have been told about those imperfections all of my life. I am working on getting those words out of my head as I work towards the person I want to be. It’s not easy to undo years of conditioning. I hope that the people that don’t get it will care enough to just bear with me. It’s a process and it will take time. But frankly I am worth it.

8/1/15

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I’ve been working hard at work and personally. I had gotten stuck on the scale but I got it to move! How? Water. Lots of water. Who would think it would really do anything? But it really does flush that mess out of your system. I was having some edema and was really concerned so I pushed fluids like you wouldn’t believe. The the weight started moving. It clicked. More water.

I am almost at my 50 lb mark and it is emotional. Yes the road is long, but it is worth it. I am worth it. You are worth it. If you wonder about that or someone has put this negative shit in your head, get past it. I won’t say get over it…words hurt. I know. I have some words that loop at times. That is one reason I love music so much. I drown it out. I mean how can those words overcome “I’m bring booty back?” Can’t.

If you have any questions, concerns or anything I can help with, ask. I do care. I’m going thru it too! Big hugs!

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